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Television's secret agenda is to make you watch more television

THE people who make television programmes have admitted that they are subtly trying to make you continue watching it.

Harrison Ford forgets he was in fourth Indiana Jones movie

AGEING actor Harrison Ford has forgotten his starring role in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, it emerged last night.

Poirot asked to uncover significance of Fifa corruption thing

HERCULE Poirot has been asked to deduce why that thing in the news about Fifa matters in the slightest.

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Desert Island Discs, with Dominique Strauss-Kahn

Some say that playfully rubbing yourself up against your assistant Claudette whilst playing Sex Bomb full blast is filthy, filthy, dirty and wrong.

Airlines crack down on fraudulent vegetarians

AIR passengers will have their in-flight meal choices stored on a database in a bid to catch fake vegetarians.