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Facebook apologises for ugly-recognition software

MARK Zuckerberg has admitted that a Facebook app automatically highlighting how hideous people are was a mistake.

Film censor 'excluding monstrous perverts from mainstream society'

THE British Board of Film Classification was last night accused of driving unspeakable deviants to the fringes of UK society.

Power Thinking, with Dr Morris O'Connor

Your close circle of friends reflects on you as a person so it's needs to look and smell excellent.

Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
One of my so-called 'friends' has apparently been slagging me off on Facebook and Twitter and I'm not willing to let her get away with it.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
Good news as your pseudodocumentary Made In Hoxton, which follows the semi-scripted adventures of a bunch of unforgivable, sneering TV pricks, is given the green light.

System working like a charm as OAPs toss food-heat coin

BRITAIN'S political and economic systems were working like clockwork last night as old people in the world's fifth richest country cheerfully tossed their food-heat coins.

'Slutwalk' inadvertently doubles as male deodorant advert

A MARCH by provocatively-dressed women has been used as a backdrop by an opportunistic deodorant film crew, it has emerged.