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Lovecraft anniversary marked by feeling of creeping dread
THE 75th anniversary of the death of horror writer H.P. Lovecraft has been commemorated with an indefinable sense of terror.
Celtic to sneer at grubby stadium
CELTIC fans will replace sectarian chants with derogatory comments about furnishings at this weekend’s Old Firm derby.
Everything shagging
AS the first weekend of spring begins, the British countryside has come alive with rampant sex.
Team GB safe from angry bulls
BRITAIN'S Olympic team need have no fear of rampaging bulls, it has been confirmed.
Stylish Masturbator, with Dylan Jones
For sheer edgy cool you cannot top masturbating in a disabled toilet in the provinces.
Burden should fall on those with the most character, says Osborne
OLD people must bear the burden of the top rate tax cut because they are so good at it, George Osborne has insisted.
New Doctor Who companion is middle-aged bricklayer
DOCTOR Who's new assistant is an overweight man from Watford called Geoff.
Britain officially a dystopia
THE arrival of televisions that can spy on you means Britain is now a fully-qualified dystopia.