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Eboué puts his feet up and reads paper
ARSENE Wenger has been warned by his last remaining player, Emmanuelle Eboué, that he never, ever plans to leave.
Britain switches to burning energy company executives
CASH-STRAPPED Britons have announced plans to heat their homes by incinerating energy bosses.
Irish pub chain to open in Arctic Circle
DRUNKEN polar bears will be able to get piss-poor pints of Guinness in sub-zero theme pubs after proving their Irishness.
Emergency self-help books dropped on Ethiopia
THE self-help industry has air dropped thousands of books on Ethiopia so that drought victims can manifest abundance from the universe.
More people are going to read the Mail on Sunday
THE readership of the Mail on Sunday will increase, it is as simple as that, experts warned last night.