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Clubs line up to tell Barton to do one
NEWCASTLE United have admitted they have been deluged with offers from clubs wanting to show Joey Barton exactly where the sun does not shine.
Survey reveals most British people should be executed
THE majority of British adults should be killed by the government, according to a new survey.
Dr Julian Cook's science laboratory
Thelma and Louise drove across America chasing their dream, which ultimately proved unattainable. Their frustration is shared by scientists who try to travel into the past.
Your problems solved, with Holly Harper
'Ken Barlow came out of the TV set and grabbed me around the neck. His eyes were burning with an intense, pink fire'.
Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
At the third stroke, your life will enter a far deeper phase of utter meaninglessness. Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeep.
Scantily-clad gay Putin fans stage car wash
MUSCULAR homosexual Russian men have been giving free titillating car washes in support of their beloved Vladimir Putin.
If you're using Internet Explorer, this is called a 'website'
PEOPLE with the browser Internet Explorer were last night told they were using it to 'explore' the 'internet'.
Bannatyne invests £250,000 in the Reggae-Reggae Arm-Breaker
SCARY dragon Duncan Bannatyne last night said he was 'in' for 30 per cent of a funky device that breaks people's arms.
- Power Thinking, with Dr Morris O'Connor
- Childhood eating disorders may be caused by shit food, say experts
- Universities compete for best students with promise of first sexual encounter
- Barclays bonuses don't fall by 33% 'because that's not how it works'
- Edinburgh Festival predicts record number of shattered dreams