the dailymash

Wenger throws Fabregas' clothes into garden

NEIGHBOURS of Arsenal have called the police after Arsene Wenger had a screaming argument with Cesc Fabregas in the early hours of the morning.

Scientists dare each other to poke mystery roadkill animal with stick

THE decomposing corpse of a mystery creature is likely to remain unidentified after experts refused to go anywhere near it.

Middle class to take looting lessons

THOUSANDS of middle class people worried about job security have signed up for a two week course in looting.

Bercows continue to believe they are not universally despised

Four year-old girl to run Royal Bank of Scotland

FOUR year-old Gemma Logan has been unveiled as the new chief executive of the Royal Bank of Scotland.

Buildings with more than eight books to become universities

CHANGES to the higher education system will turn the majority of British homes into a degree-granting university, it has been confirmed.

Bad money thing make new scary time

BAD money thing make world have big new scary time, clever men say now.

Millions remain uncool despite having smartphones

PEOPLE who own cutting-edge smartphones remain inexplicably pathetic, it has emerged.