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Banks create 340,000 scapegoat roles
THE UK's banks have provided a major boost to the economy by creating a third of a million jobs for professional blame-takers.
Prince Charles to attend Job Centre Plus every fortnight
IN a radical overhaul of how the monarchy is funded, members of the royal family will be asked to attend a job centre every other week.
Prison escape lacks narrative drive
A real-life prison escape completely lacked the tension and excitement of Hollywood prison breaks, it has emerged.
Bank of England 'thought Libor was a brand of toilet cleaner'
THE Bank of England inadvertently sanctioned the manipulation of interest rates because it thought Libor was a powerful disinfectant.
Spain show boring inability to be rubbish
EURO 2012 winners Spain have come under more fire for showing a reluctance to mix things up by being bad at football.
Pre-nup gives Cruise sole custody of Thetans
THE pre-nuptial agreement between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes guarantees the Mission Impossible actor sole custody of his wife's Operating Thetan.
Becoming a 'Steampunk' best way to prolong virginity
DRESSING as a Victorian-themed science fiction character is a great way to avoid ever having sex, it has emerged.
Rangers becomes a pub team
SCOTTISH football chiefs are forcing Rangers to start again as a pub team following their financial difficulties.