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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
You'll spend most of this week feeling very pleased with yourself, demonstrating just how easily pleased you are.
Apple stores covered in jizz
BRITAIN'S bodily fluid cleaners have been working overtime after the launch date for the iPhone 5 was announced.
A-Level students to be ranked by similarity to Brian Glover
A-LEVEL students should be judged on both their grades and their likeness to stout Yorkshire actor Brian Glover, it has been claimed.
Jackson's doctor accused of making him weird
MICHAEL Jackson's doctor has gone on trial accused of making him weirder than a bald cat.
Ferguson thinks money should be about football
SIR Alex Ferguson has called for the exchange of very large sums of money to involve at least some football.
Trader may have been acting in own self-interest
THERE is a chance the scary trader on the BBC News may have been acting selfishly, it has emerged.