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Tories to try and look normal for three days

THE Conservatives will spend the next three days trying desperately to portray themselves as ordinary humans.

Paper cut sparks new swear words

A VICIOUS paper cut has been the catalyst for a string of new and creative obscenities, it has emerged.

Two pairs of boxers ample for week-long journey, confirm men

ONE change of undergarments is more than sufficient to maintain comfort and hygiene for seven days, men have asserted.

Clarkson explodes

JEREMY Clarkson, the veteran broadcaster and denim enthusiast, has exploded at news of the proposed 80mph motorway speed limit.

Mild criticism 'worse than murder', says big business

ED Miliband’s tepid, slightly apologetic, attack on corporate behaviour was 'worse than actual murder', according to members of the business community.

Sir Alex Ferguson's Desert Island Discs

How many European Cups has Mark Thompson won? How many League titles has 5Live disc jockey, Nicky Campbell secured?

Power Thinking, with Dr Morris O'Connor

"Morris, I don't see what me looking a bit like Louis Walsh has to do with buying your patio sets."

Stuart Pearce spends evening ruling himself out of things

STUART Pearce spent most of last night turning down the chance to do stuff nobody asked him to.