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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
You've been telling everyone that Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy is an elegantly-constructed and beautifully-acted piece of film making, because that's what you heard somebody else say when you were walking out of The Smurfs.

River Cottage downshifters 'must mate with locals'

URBAN professionals escaping to rural areas must contribute to the local gene pool, it has been claimed.

Government must not get bogged down by facts, says May

THERESA May has demanded the Home Office be set free to do its vital work unhindered by reality.

World distracted from economic collapse by slightly better camera

THE incremental collapse of the system that provides everything has once again been overshadowed by a marginally better camera.

Osborne had fingers crossed the whole time

GEORGE Osborne unveiled a series of steps to avoid a further credit crunch from a set of notes with 'chinny reckon' written on them.

Large Hadron Collider putting family-run particle colliders out of business

MANY small, local particle colliders have been forced to close since the opening of Hadron, it has emerged.