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Stone Roses confirm gig cancellations
MANCHESTER t-shirt vendors The Stone Roses are to reform for a new series of concerts they won't turn up to.
Dale Farm eviction brings out best in everyone
THE eviction of the Dale Farm travellers' site has really brought out Britain's good side, it has been confirmed.
Morrissey to sue himself
MORRISSEY the Singer is to sue himself after things he said made people think he might be a bit racist.
Mummified cabbie won't stop talking
A TAXI driver whose dead body was mummified will not shut up, it emerged last night.
Smoking ruins don't need electricity, says Cameron
DAVID Cameron has said domestic energy bills will tumble once everybody's house is a pile of rubble.
Robots useless
THE field of robotics is not delivering on any level, experts have claimed.
Britain to be hit by entirely typical weather
TEMPERATURES in the UK are going to fall sharply over the coming weeks because that is what happens at this time of year.
Wales expands seething resentment empire
IRELAND and France can look forward to a thousand years of being despised by vengeful dwarves.
- City protestors offered tantalising range of free gifts
- Ofgem and energy firms argue about how much you know for a fact you're paying
- Philip Hammond says best friend is 58 year-old steam engine enthusiast called Brian
- Oliver Letwin 'living in park'
- MP who called for values and decency turns out to be hypocritical sack of shit