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Football season credited with feel-bad factor
THE start of the Premier League season has renewed Britain's sense of worthlessness and pessimism.
Cardinal stops using letters G, A and Y
BRITAIN'S biggest Catholic has confirmed he will no longer use any of the letters in the word 'gay'.
David Bowie's real ale blog
To show you how much I love real ale, here's a number from my new concept album, Roll Out The Casque Marked, CAMRA-Approved Barrel...
A Level students '20% less fit' than last year
THIS year’s crop of young, predominantly female, students pictured celebrating their A Levels is up to 20% less attractive than last year's, it has been claimed.
International handball ticket sales sluggish
ONLY five tickets have been sold for a major handball tournament, it has emerged.
United now uninsurable
MANCHESTER United are now virtually uninsurable after the signing of splintery striker Robin Van Persie.
Clarkson splits into two
JEREMY Clarkson has split into two separate entities - one sad, the other mocking.
Big Brother celebrities arrive, unaware that one of them is a murderer
THE new murder-themed series of Celebrity Big Brother began last night with the mysterious death of Julian Clary.