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80s free school launched

A RETRO fanatic has set up a free school providing a traditional 1980s education.

If you need me I'll be in the pub, Charles tells Queen

PRINCE Charles has instructed his mother that he intends to wait out his days as heir to the throne in the pub.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
If I knew you were coming I’d have baked a cake. Because you’re diabetic.

Man-o-war 'uses tentacles for sleazy groping'

MEN-O-WAR sting swimmers then feel them up with their tentacles, it has been claimed.

Clegg apologises for principles

NICK Clegg has apologised for having a moral viewpoint on something.

We kind of assumed you wanted to kill us, army tells Taleban

BRITISH troops have assured the Taleban that the intention to kill them has been perfectly clear for a while.

Cynics released from Olympic dungeons

BRITAIN'S 500,000 cynics have been released from temporary incarceration below the Olympic stadium.

Murray vows to drive the English out of Scotland

TENNIS champion Andy Murray plans is using his fame to unite Scotland against the English, it has emerged.