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Owen 'can't wait to find out who Stoke City are'

STOKE City's signing Michael Owen has said that his number one priority right now is to find Stoke on a map.

I'm a busy father of three, yet all I want to do is get high

Anything is possible if you're willing to fight for your dream.

34% of personalities entirely hat-based

THE number of people who are distinguishable only by a hat they wear has risen dramatically.

Religion still being taken seriously

RELIGION is still being taken seriously by billions of people, according to new research.

Wenger to sign 16-year-old manager

ARSENE Wenger has refused to sign a new long-term contract with Arsenal, insisting he can find a cheaper, younger version of himself.

Kate 'saddened' by release of erotic thriller

THE Duchess of Cambridge has expressed dismay at the DVD release of Deadly Desires II: The Temptress, an 'erotic murder mystery' in which she stars.

Apple now selling you things you didn't know you didn't want

APPLE has changed its strategy to creating products that people had no idea they were not interested in.

Bristol to get 'gert lush' 4G internet

Superfast mobile technology will be 'proper job', say council chiefs.