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HSBC fined for not taking gold teeth
BASTARD factory HSBC has been fined £40m by the Financial Services Authority for failing to ransack old people's bedrooms.
Happy Mondays 'reunion' actually just some smackheads in a park
RUMOURS of a Happy Mondays reunion have been quashed after it was revealed to be a group of heroin addicts near some swings.
'New Earth' probably full of arseholes
THE 'New Earth' has a temperate climate, liquid water and is probably
teeming with unbearable arseholes, scientists have claimed.
FA Cup sees battle of the giant also-rans
THE FA Cup third round will see an epic battle between players you have never heard of against players who were okay five years ago.
Putin avoids corruption allegations by deciding result two weeks ago
THE result of Russia's parliamentary election was decided two weeks ago and then locked in a safe to prevent corruption.
Pandas already drunk
TWO giant pandas were very drunk within 15 minutes of arriving in Scotland, it has emerged.
Riots caused by police when they finally turned up
THE August riots were provoked by the people who were nowhere to be seen for the first two days, a study has found.
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