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Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
My wife is having it off with the chap who lives at no 65. I wouldn't mind so much, as it keeps her off my back of an evening...

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Thanks for that, he was a right old prick.

Scientist who discovered secrets of bird erection battling not to have it named after him

THE scientist who discovered how large birds achieve erection has urged his colleagues not to name it after him.

Attenborough died in 1972, admits BBC

DAVID Attenborough has been faked using lookalikes and special effects for nearly 40 years, the BBC has revealed.

'God particle' does not believe in God

THE particle named after God last night stressed it was not religious in any way.

Alcohol leads to pointless academic research

SCIENTISTS are 100% more likely to state the obvious while drunk, it has emerged.

Little Mix to release free-jazz concept album about Egyptian gods

X FACTOR winners Little Mix's first album is to be a concept-driven free-jazz epic inspired by the ancient gods of Egypt, it has been revealed.