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Phase one complete, Dacre tells home planet
CHIEF Daily Mail space creature Paul Dacre has mind-merged with his martian leader to report that Earth is almost ready for invasion.
Sally Morgan to be represented by disembodied voice of Abraham Lincoln
SALLY Morgan is to sue the Daily Mail with a legal team including Abraham Lincoln, Clarence Darrow and someone who claims to be John Mortimer.
BBC4 named ponciest channel at National TV Awards
BBC4 was last night named Best Channel for Stuck-Up Ponces at the National Television Awards.
The days are getting longer, say cheerful dickheads
PEOPLE who insist the days are getting longer are leaving a trail of psychological destruction across Britain.
Bernard Manning defrosted
SEVENTIES comic Bernard Manning is being woken from cryogenic sleep
after Ricky Gervais completed preparations for his return, it has
emerged.
Pathological self-absorption now mandatory
EVERYONE must place themselves at the centre of the universe immediately, it has been confirmed.
