the dailymash

Nigel Farage 'just a comic creation that got out of hand'

'NIGEL Farage' is a fictional parody of a raving idiot, it has emerged.

Flood victims battling to keep out sympathetic reporters

HOUSEHOLDERS in the South West are barricading themselves into their waterlogged homes to avoid being patronised.

Barton’s accent to be used as crowd control weapon

JOEY Barton’s French accent could be used for riot control or the war on terror, it has emerged.

West Ham fans taunted by sound of man with tiny penis

WEST Ham fans are to be subjected to cruel taunts about the apparent smallness of their genitalia.

Brian May's deer 'said Freddie was the talented one'

Death of Twinkies could affect US holiday one-upmanship

THE demise of Twinkies could leave thousands of British holidaymakers unable to show off about having eaten them.

Smoking makes smokers more like non-smokers

SMOKING rots the brain until you start thinking like a non-smoker, it has been confirmed.

Benitez to black up

RAFAEL Benitez will don blackface during his time at Chelsea in a bid to reduce abuse from fans and players.