TEST match cricket was declared stupid last night after England drew with Australia despite being much, much worse at cricket than them.
England can now claim to be just as good as Australia as experts warned it will soon be impossible to attract young people into the game if you cannot win no matter how much better you are than your opponent.
Denys Finch-Hatton, consultant editor at Wisden, said: "Australia have essentially just drawn a test match against a team that seemed to consist mainly of second-hand furniture.
"I'm not saying the furniture was good, or plucky, or showed great character, I'm saying that someone dumped an old chest of drawers in front of the wicket and the Australian bowlers were unable to spin their way round it, when it wasn't being treated for scratches."
He added: "I don't know what that is, but it's not sport."
Experts say Australia may have been forced into a draw after a little known by-law was used to assess their score in dog years.
The passage in the rule-book, written in bright green biro, states any player involved in totals over 600 not holding a British passport will have their score divided by seven.
Australian captain Ricky Ponting said: "Excuse me, but what the fuck just happened here?"
Meanwhile England's Paul Collingwood insisted he was confident of another inexplicable draw at Lord's, adding: "It's looking good as long as Kevin Pietersen stops waving his bat like he's doing a voodoo dance and someone explains the rules to Stuart Broad."