JEREMY Corbyn cannot win the election because polls are always totally accurate, it has been confirmed.

The Labour Party is still behind in opinion polls, which makes the election a foregone conclusion because nothing even vaguely unexpected has happened in British or international politics for ages.

Political analyst Susan Traherne said: “Jeremy Corbyn is an outsider, seen as a maverick and disliked by the political establishment but is enjoying increasingly strong popular support.

“He’s especially well-liked among the pissed-off lower-income workers and people who have never voted before.

“Meanwhile the lady who is the certain winner is running a lacklustre campaign, and struggling to ‘seize the narrative’ as I believe some Americans may have said recently.

“She comes across as a bit cold and lacking in charisma, although I’m sure that won’t be a problem.

“After all, some of Corbyn’s policies are ‘economic suicide’ and British people would never support anything like that just.”

She added: “I cannot think of any similar situations in the recent past and I wouldn’t even bother voting to be honest.”