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Woman hopes to meet right man then reject him because of tiny superficial detail

A 29-YEAR-OLD woman is desperate to meet a suitable man then dump him because of a small detail in his looks or mannerisms.

Nikki Hollis is trawling dating sites for a nice man who shares her sense of humour but whose boyfriend status is ultimately doomed by her absurd levels of perfectionism.

She said: “I’m not getting any younger, and I’m looking for a soulmate who I can turn down because he has slightly narrow nostrils, hairy fingers or one ear a bit smaller than the other.

“Like my last boyfriend, he will be pretty much ideal in all other respects, but just have that one little thing which for some reason I absolutely cannot live with, like ‘stumpy teeth’.

“Then I will meet with my friends in a wine bar and we will all laugh uproariously about it and make up a name for him like ‘Mr Stumpy Teeth’.

“They will all share similar stories, and we will get drunk while enjoying how witty, glamorous and capricious we are, like characters in a glossy US telly drama called something like ‘Lady Lawyers’, except we work for a printer cartridge company.

“Then I will go home to a flat that is empty except for a cat, some furniture and a big print of Audrey Hepburn.”

Workers perplexed as colleague opts for wet-look gel

OFFICE staff were confused this morning after a colleague arrived with wet-look gel in his hair.

Tom Booker, 32, usually opts for a more natural look, obtained using lots of wax.

Colleague, Eleanor Shaw, said: “Today he seems to have decided it’s 1996 again. He walked in and we all went quiet. It was like a stranger had walked into a pub in Leeds.

“Then he just said ‘good morning’ as if his hair was perfectly acceptable.”

She added: “I didn’t even know you could buy wet-look gel anymore. I assumed it was just a memory of the ’90s, like Panda Pops, Chumbawamba and vaguely acceptable homophobia.”

Office manager Martin Bishop added: “I hope everything’s alright at home.”

Booker said: “If you don’t mind, I am trying to attract women.”

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