Arts & Entertainment

LOVE Island is back, and this summer’s contestants are the most homogenous yet. Here they are in ascending order of tiny slivers of individuality.

BEAUTIFUL blonde Billie Piper has immediately become a dad’s most beloved incarnation of the Doctor, he has confirmed.

THERE is a new Banksy out there, and if you can smash the wall it’s on and get the bits home, you’ll be a millionaire! These are the rules.

DOCTOR Who is too woke, and needs to return to its roots of an old white man visiting inferior cultures and sneering at them. Who should take the role?

KNEECAP’S performance at Glastonbury will be so middle-class it could be mistaken for a John Lewis sale, organisers have warned.

WITH Virgin Island Channel 4 has discovered that sexual awkwardness means viewing figures, and all on the cheap. These will soon be monetised for TV.

IT isn’t all about the music, man. These bands had looks, charisma, fashion and tunes in that order and remain loved anyway.

EUROVISION is a byword for shite, and Britain’s entry is frequently the shittest. Here, in reverse order of awfulness, are our worst acts.

OASIS have reassured fans there will be nothing new or unfamiliar on a brand new album of all unoriginal material.

WORK on chord progressions, lay down a backing track, or shag on the label’s tab? If these bandmates had spent less time banging they could have written more banging tunes.