Fifty Shades of Grey film was on Channel 5 in the 90s

THE film version of Fifty Shades of Grey was shown by Channel 5 back in 1998, it has emerged.

Following the release of the film’s official trailer, post-pub masturbators confirmed watching the film up until the first sex scene nearly twenty years ago.

37-year-old Tom Booker said: “I immediately knew I’d seen that cheesy heap of shit in Channel 5’s Friday night softcore slot. It’s original title was Deadly Desires 4: Night Illusions.

“I presume the book was an unofficial adaptation.

“To save you the time, there is nudity at the 15 minutes, 45 minute and one hour marks.”

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Elderly to get daily ghost pranks

ELDERLY people are to get vital heart exercise from people jumping out of their cupboards dressed as the undead.

Researchers found that six-second bursts of terror-induced cardio activity can transform overall fitness.

A government spokesman said: “Old people hate the gym because it’s noisy and they don’t have china cups, so we’re bringing fitness into their homes in the form of terrifying paranormal encounters.”

Health workers wearing old wedding dresses with fake blood on them will climb through old people’s bedroom windows then hide behind the door clutching a knife.

The spokesman added: “One good ghost scare is equal to forty minutes of power walking. Currently our top-performing characters are ‘scary bride’, ‘hairy hand’ and ‘weird camp skeleton’.”

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