Do you deserve benefits?

YOU’VE paid into the system your whole life, and now you’re expecting to claim benefits. But do you deserve to, or are you workshy freeloader scum?

Choose one of the following that is closest to your situation:

1. After four decades in the building industry, you have been diagnosed with a fused spine and can no longer climb ladders or bend. You visit your local Jobcentre Plus to claim incapacity benefit. Do you deserve it?

2. You lost your zero-hours position two weeks ago, since which you have applied for more than 400 jobs and begin a new job next week. You are claiming housing benefit to cover this 21-day period. Do you deserve it?

3. You have moved in with your 85-year-old grandparent to be their full-time carer, hoping to receive carer’s allowance. Do you deserve it?

4. Any other type of situation however good or bad.

ANSWERS:

1. You DO NOT deserve incapacity benefit because you were able to transport yourself to the Jobcentre Plus. If you had not, you would have been sanctioned for not going.

2. You DO NOT deserve housing benefit. No reason. You just don’t.

3. You DO NOT deserve carer’s allowance because records show your house has rooms in it.

4. You DO NOT deserve income support because you failed to attend an appointment you were notified of in a letter to an address which you have never lived at. It is your responsibility to monitor all UK addresses in case we decide to send you a letter to one of them.

Thank you for taking part!

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Tesco removes 'best before' dates from stuff that was never any good

TESCO has announced it will stop giving false hope to shoppers with ‘best before’ dates on food that is honestly appalling whenever.

The supermarket has acknowledged that putting ‘best before’ on the tomatoes, courgettes and apples it sells implies their palatability is affected by time, when in fact they are entirely tasteless before, on and following the given date.

A spokesman said: “These apples? The only honest ‘best before’ date would say ‘best before the advent of factory farming and the growing of fruit based on appearance, not flavour’.

“Now our customers, instead of blaming themselves for their tardiness, can rest assured that the fruit they buy is never any good to eat and enjoy a nice bag of Monster Munch instead.”

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