Politics Headlines

RACISM is no longer a problem in the UK, thanks to a government report. So what other contemporary issues could be eradicated with some dubious research? 

WHERE is the Boris Johnson I voted for? The Boris of bounce, of exuberance, of childlike glee and crazy risks, the Boris unafraid to sow his wild oats?

THE UK has apologised for the prime minister for the momentary error it made in the polling booth last December which it will rectify as soon as possible.

THE prime minister is marching around outside the European Parliament with hand-painted signs.

The Liberal Democrat party is writing a manifesto to be found on a coffee table beside its dangling corpse.

TONY Blair is off his nut, according to people who thought the invasion of Iraq was a brilliant idea.

THE prime minister has called on the people of Britain to be less reserved.

THE Daily Mail’s successful campaign to charge for plastic bags has confirmed that the tabloid newspaper is effectively running the country.

THE inquiry into the Iraq war will leave out parts of the transcript where Tony Blair and George W Bush were exchanging bedroom intimacies.

DAVID Cameron has used cutlery to slice a bacon roll into fine slivers.