VICTORIA Beckham has been fitted with the brain of an alcoholic physics genius, it has been confirmed.
The new brain made its red carpet debut at a charity gala in Los Angeles last night sporting a new ‘bed-head’ hair style and swigging madly from a bottle of Thunderbird.
A spokeswoman said: “Victoria has achieved so much as a hair and clothing owner, but with her new brain she will finally be able to emulate that success in the field of quantum physics, specifically hyper-advanced string theory, if she can stay off the booze.”
She added: “For those who follow Victoria’s styling choices, the brain is a medium biscuit colour, a bit like a Maryland cookie, and is covered in a thick translucent goo that tastes of chicken liver paté.”
Beckham’s new brain belonged to eccentric genius Stephen Malley, who wore the same vest for 53 years, was terrified of meringues and had an IQ higher than that of the combined population of Wiltshire.
Neurologist Dr Julian Cook said: “It remains unclear how Malley’s brain will behave in Victoria Beckham’s body in the long term. But I imagine the first 24 hours will be devoted to eating sausage rolls and playing with the tits.”
Celebrity pundit Nikki Hollis said: “Brain transplants are the big thing in LA right now.
“Tom Sizemore has had his replaced with the brains of two Bonobo monkeys while friends of Shia LaBoef say he is now a blue fin tuna who can’t act.”
Victoria Beckham’s original brain is to be donated to the Institute for Studies where it will be used to wipe down the fridge.
