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Kraftwerk go acoustic

ELECTRONIC music pioneers Kraftwerk have become an acoustic act after deciding technology is annoying.

Kraftwerk’s forthcoming UK dates will be performed in their new anti-computers guise as Ye Craft Workers, dressed as Luddites and singing songs about weaving and harvests.

The band claims that the internet has made them hate anything electronic and shiny.

Band member Fritz Hilpert said: “I was online trying to buy a ticket for a Gary Numan gig, and the frigging website kept timing out.

“I must have re-entered my credit card details a dozen times. So much for harmonious fusion of man and machine – I nearly threw the fucker out of the window.

“And what’s Twitter all about? Load of shit if you ask me.

“We got it wrong. Scythes are the future.”

He added: “We used to think technology was going to create an awesome new era where everyone was cyborgs in cycling gear, whizzing around shiny autobahns on robo-bikes.

“Actually it’s just given us gambling addiction, pictures of cats with fruit on their heads and utter dickheads blowing smoke up each others’ arses.”

Pope's first retweet is man making love to some cheese

THE Pope has followed up his first tweet by retweeting a picture of a man inserting his penis into a block of Swiss cheese.

Using his @pontifex account, Benedict XVI tweeted: “check this guy!”

The link shows a side-on view of a young man with his trousers and underpants around his ankles holding a large block of cheese against his groin.

Ninety seconds after the retweet the Pope then told his 660,000 followers, ‘I do not approve!’. Moments later he tweeted: “Or do I?”

His Holiness then said that twitter was ‘the balls’ before asking his followers to send him photographs of ‘guys doing it with food’.

A Vatican spokesman said the twitter account would help the Pope reach out to people around the world, particularly the young, with the Church’s message of salvation through Christ, as well as sharing some big time laughs and total OMG moments.

The spokesman added: “We don’t want any nasty shit, but if you’ve got a pic of a guy doing something weird with his cock then fire it in.

“We don’t want cat stuff. Everyone does that. Unless it’s a cat that looks like Jesus.

“Also, we’ll definitely follow you if you’ve experienced any miracles, or you’re a virgin who thinks she might be up the duff.”

 

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